Showing posts with label writers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writers. Show all posts

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Consent Is Sexy As Hell

The erotica genre is full of sexy bits and steamy pieces. We like to read about things happening to us that we'd never, ever, ever want to happen in real life. That's kind of the point, isn't it? To confront the things that maybe scare us but that turn us on in spite of, or maybe because of, that fear.

The language of erotica is often forceful because--well, that's sexy. I think there's not a woman around who doesn't wish, at least on some level, that her partner desired her so completely that he or she simply couldn't resist taking her in all kinds of kinky, messy ways. We like to think of ourselves as delicate and hesitant and maybe even somewhat inexperienced, and we love the idea of someone wiser, someone knowledgeable, teaching us what we love to have done to us, even if we aren't totally sure ourselves.

But something is missing in erotica: active and enthusiastic consent. Verbal and enthusiastic consent simply isn't seen as sexy. But why can't erotica readers and writers demand that we change the language the genre from forceful to consensual?

The lack of active consent is a dangerous thing. It serves to contribute to the idea that consent isn't really necessary. It's bad enough for men to hold this view of women, but it's tragic for women to believe it of themselves. When the sex industry, including erotica, promotes the idea that consent doesn't have to be verbal or enthusiastic, it can damage women. At best, it might make a woman feel like saying "no" is all part of the fun. At worst, it can convince her that her partner's unwillingness to slow down or stop is a compliment rather than assault.

Consent doesn't equal boring sex. It doesn't mean a loss of fantasy. A woman can have her bodice ripped open and her trembling breast exposed every bit as easily with a "yes" as with "embarrassed, downcast eyes." In fact, consent opens up a ton of opportunities for creative sex-play. Consent is sexy as hell, and it's time that we insist on it in all aspects of our sex lives, from actual sex to the books we read in the tub.


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Holiday Thoughts & Wishes from Alyssa Steel

This is a hectic time of  year for many people. There are so many things to be done, and it seems like there's just not enough time in the day to get everything that needs doing done.

My own life is a whirlwind of activity right now. Between homeschooling my son, (actually, don't tell him I said so, but my husband has now taken over homeschooling entirely so I can have more time to write) buying  Christmas gifts, making Christmas gifts, attending holiday parties, making cookies for friends and neighbors, and working on all of my various writing projects, I feel like I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in weeks.

I know I'm not alone out there, feeling the hustle and bustle of the Holiday season, so I just wanted to take a moment to remind you that it's okay not to get it all done. It's okay not to buy a gift for everyone in your office or to attend every blasted party you're invited to. It's okay to curl up on the couch with a good book, a cozy blanket and a steamy cup of  hot cocoa and to just take an hour or two for yourself. Take time to enjoy your family, take time to laugh and sing badly. Take a moment to kiss your partner in the toy aisle at Target. Paint a picture with your child, let your cat cuddle on your lap and scratch your dog's belly. These are the moments that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives, so please don't let the frenetic pace of the season distract you from them.

Slow down and enjoy a cup of cocoa on me.


HAPPY HOLIDAYS!